she looked like the before picture.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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