she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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