Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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