oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
