This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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