it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
