Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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