I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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