Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
