Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
