haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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