Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
