as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
They are going to name an STD after you.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
