literally had 100 drinks last night.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
