first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
