Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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