you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
