Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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