You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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