my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
