GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
