i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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