I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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