he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The cops high fived after they tackled you
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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