I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
