One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
