So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
