so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He? As in you personified your dick?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
