can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
