My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
