What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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