My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
