I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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