This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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