break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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