My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
