I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
