Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
