I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
