My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
