1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
