I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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