just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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