you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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