OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
