that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
