I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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