Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
