I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
