you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
