Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
