I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
