Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
