I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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